This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
