awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
