the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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