y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Randomize
