So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
