I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no, he came in my armpit
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
