i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
