Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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