I'm so fucking centered right now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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