I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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