drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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