good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
