I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
