I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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