Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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