Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
