Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize