well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
