I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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