This house was built for laser tag.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
