Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
