Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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