I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Actions speak louder than pants.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
