You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
