took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
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