..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
