ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
