apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
