"it" just moved
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
