Got a toothbrush?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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