my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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