We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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