Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
