i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
