I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
