Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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