Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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