do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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