if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize