Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
