just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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