Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
