The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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