I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
