he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
