I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
