No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
