We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
