why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
