Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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