I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is my gift to your gina
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
