I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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