So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
how does that bad decision feel?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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