I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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