Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize