I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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