dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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