just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
3 2 1 whiskey
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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