I hate your face
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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