Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize