none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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