is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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