I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
