So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
