Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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